Only 30% Here

On living between worlds, being of the Fae, and why it’s not something to fix.

Editor’s note: Adapted from my Substack (My Life is a Spell) post.

Storytelling Between Worlds

I was telling a story at a nature connection summer camp—a good one, told well—but the kids’ attention was slipping. I could feel it. I glanced over at Ted and saw he felt it too: I wasn’t all the way there.

He’d introduced me by saying I’m “of the Fae,” partly in this world and partly in another. And honestly, that’s true. I’m happiest when I’m more in the spiritual realm than in this physical one.

A Life Between Realms

When I got home, to relax, I put on the audiobook I’m into right now, Ravens of Avalon. In it, a priestess on the Isle of Avalon walks with another woman up the Tor and, partway up, senses an opening into another realm. She walks that path and finds herself in a shining realm with the queen of the fairies, and she is invited to stay. The moment she crossed over, I felt a deep tug of recognition. That was why I was reading it. I haven’t needed to listen since.

I’ve always felt akin to the fairies. When I was little, I chose wallpaper patterned with flowers and tiny hidden fairies. I would lie on my bed and stare at them for hours, wanting to join them among the vines. My mom bought it for me even though it was one of the expensive options—maybe she could sense how much I needed it.

They kept showing up: greeting cards, trinkets, little reminders.

And years later, when I changed my name after my divorce, the first thing I knew was that my last name would be Fae.

My homemade fairy costume— I’ve always felt connected to the unseen realms and my fae lineage.

After that storytelling day, Ted and I talked. He said the story was great—but noted that my voice can sometimes feel “hard to hear.” Not because it’s unclear, but because, energetically, it’s elsewhere.

Later, I did some spiritual inquiry.
Where am I when I tell stories? Where do I go when I facilitate?

The answer came: Only about 30% here. The rest of me exists in the spiritual realm.

That tracks. When I’m in deep listening or ceremony, I might be 20% here. In a loud place, maybe 15%. Last summer, during a four-day solo in the mountains—fasting, drumming, dreaming, communing with the living world—I reached 40%. A record high.

The Oracle Answers

I’ve been testing my Threshold Witch Oracle Deck, still in beta. When I asked it, Where do I go when I’m teaching or storytelling? it said, “It’s okay to do it badly at first.”

I wondered if it meant: It’s okay to do it badly, period.
Not because anything is wrong or needs fixing, but because this is my design.

What If This Isn’t Something to Fix?

It’s hard for me to be in this world. It always has been. And I know I’m not alone.

There are others—those who straddle realities, who feel half-here, half-there.

If you’re one of those people who finds it difficult to be present in social situations, chaotic environments, or even just in the same reality as everyone else—know that it’s okay. You’re not broken. There’s nothing to fix.

You’re bridging worlds. The part of you that lives elsewhere is part of your gift.

If it’s hard, I’m sorry. I get it. I know. And thank you for being here.

If you’re more grounded in this world, know that people like us exist for a reason. Our sensitivity, our in-between-ness, is a kind of service. When you make space for us, when you honor our difference, you help us bring through what we came here to carry.

My childhood wallpaper - fairies in the vines

Related Threshold Witch Practices

If you relate to being only partly of this world and would like some guidance or mentorship or simply affirmation, please reach out.

• Threshold Sessions — energy healing for bridging the seen and unseen realms

• Witchuals — custom rituals for manifestation

• Muscle Testing for Intuition — learn to discern guidance from the subtle realms